Gainesville Ramblings

This is a blog, and thus it barely qualifies as writing, let alone formal writing, so I'd not let it bother you.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Truth, by the scoop or pint

In my epic battle to stave off boredom, I found something very exciting on the interwebs. Please tell me this is true:

I got this off of The No Fact Zone, a Colbert Report fansite, and they had one other interesting tidbit: a memo from Ben and Jerry's, which does not explicitly say that this is a joke:

Hey, DB. Thanks for the note.

Sorry if my SPAM filter blocked out the last one… it stops any incoming mail from users identified as a hard-core, right-wing Colbert fans. I had to - after a flurry of emails from Rush Limbaugh. We couldn’t get rid of the guy!

In terms of making Stephen Colbert a flavor, I can honestly say: it doesn’t really sound that appealing to anyone does it?

Sure it COULD be a Patriotic mix of strawberry, blueberry and (American not French) vanilla flavors, striped in the pint with chocolate stars…

or perhaps Republican Nut, with each pint lovingly sampled by Dick Cheney to insure product quality.

However, I think we may be a bit premature. We should have new flavor information available my mid April. Can we touch base then?

For now - if I were you, I would focus my attention - and direct your devoted readers - to a much more serious subject and threat to all humankind: bears.

From your full-service P.R. Department…

Sean Greenwood

Ben & Jerry’s P.R. Guy

This is going to make me happy for the rest of the day. Yay!

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Thank You, Sylvester Croom

Here in Gainesville, there are appear to be three hobbies: Drinking, Cheering for the Gators, and making fun of Ron Zook.

That third hobby just got alot easier.

There are many parts of this article that are rife with comic potential. For example, Zook's claim that he could have won at National Championship last year if he hadn't been fired. Right.

Or maybe this quote:
"[Zook] says eating and sleeping are a waste of time," Mitchell said. "He says
if you sleep fast, you can sleep less. I still don't understand that one."

But I think my favorite is the last quote in the article:
"I love to be home just like the next guy," Zook said. "I've got children, too.
But my children are happier when we're winning."

First thought: What an ass.

Second thought: His kids aren't that happy, are they?

Third thought: I hate this man so much.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Jack Bauer, Improbable Commercials, and Other Things Found on the Interwebs

My brain is dead today, along with my arms and back. As such, there will be little to no creative writing. Instead, I bring you the things that have gotten me through the day the last few days.

First is the 100 greatest moments in 24. Not only are there snarky comments on all the events, but there's YouTube clips for all of them. Truly a momentous undertaking, one worthy of all the beer and women that can be thrust upon these fine men. Also, since my mom is inexplicably suddenly into 24, this is her chance to catch up. Or at least know what I'm talking about in when I reference crazy things in that crazy show.

Next, we have the Montgomery Flea Market. Its just like. A. Mini. Mall. And also, completely insane.

Here's an interesting essay from a woman who didn't feel complete until both her legs were cut off. In much the same way that some people feel like they were born the wrong sex, this 'Susan Smith' feels she has two too many working limbs. This reminds me of a passage out of Neal Stephenson's Cryptnonomicon, where one of the characters is commenting that sometime around the age of five or six, your brain patterns just get stuck, and sometimes on very weird things. For example, his wife, for some reason, can't get off sexually unless the sex happens on antique furniture. This Smith seems to have the same problem. It doesn't appear to be sexual, but at six years old, she decided that what really needed to go were her legs.

And finally, I bring you a video from Japan. I don't know how I found it or why I ended up watching it, but this only confirms my firmly held belief that the Japanese are incredibly weird, especially the people who make anime.

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