OK, Now You Can Offically Sing 'In The Navy'

So in case you didn't hear, yes, I got accepted into the Navy. I thought I'd let everyone know what this means, in order to answer what I assume are your many questions.

First off, I am actually not in the Navy yet. What I am is 'Professional Accepted.' This means that a bunch of guys many pay grades higher than I will be got together in a room, looked at my application, test scores, and employer references and said, "This guy looks good. Let him in."

There are still a few things I need to do. The first and most important is pass my Physical Readiness Test (PRT). This involves 47 push ups and 58 sit ups in two minutes (not the same two minutes) and a mile and a half run in 12 minutes. I'm not there yet, but getting accepted is a huge motivation booster. I just got back from a 2.75 mile run/jog. I've never run that far before in my life.

Second, for those wondering, no I did not get into Intelligence. I got into Surface Warfare (which I've learned is shortened to SWO, pronounced S-Whoa). However, I didn't get NOT get into Intel. The Intel guys just haven't gotten into that room to look over my application yet. I'm going to give them that time and not jump into SWO immediately.

Finally, many may be wondering where I go from here. To be honest, I'm not exactly sure. I need to talk to my recruiter more. But assuming I pass my PRT, I get into Officer Candidate School (OCS) in Newport, Rhode Island. where I will wear a uniform all the time, cut my hair real short, and be forced to work out every morning at 5AM. Yes, I know, it sounds right up my alley, huh?

Internet Meme Time: Am I a Manly-Man, or simply Self-Sufficient?

Via Andrew Sullivan:

There are two lists going around the interwebs right now that tell you what you need to know to be a man, or self-sufficient. The first, from Popular Mechanics, tells you the "25 Skills Every Man Should Know." Below is the list, with what I can do bolded. Also, I should mention I claim to know it if I am reasonably sure that if I was presented with the task, I could figure it out without looking it up on the internet.

1. Patch a radiator hose
2. Protect your computer
3. Rescue a boater who has capsized
4. Frame a wall
5. Retouch digital photos
6. Back up a trailer
7. Build a campfire
8. Fix a dead outlet
9. Navigate with a map and compass
10. Use a torque wrench
11. Sharpen a knife
12. Perform CPR
13. Fillet a fish
14. Maneuver a car out of a skid
15. Get a car unstuck
16. Back up data
17. Paint a room
18. Mix concrete
19. Clean a bolt-action rifle - This may change very soon
20. Change oil and filter
21. Hook up an HDTV
22. Bleed brakes
23. Paddle a canoe
24. Fix a bike flat
25. Extend your wireless network

This gives me a manliness percentage of...72%. Wow. Apparently, I'm alot manlier than I thought. In that case, remember ladies, I'm available.

I know, it's amazing this man is not snatched up by a beautiful woman.

The second list was drawn up in protest against Popular Mechanics' list. This one presents the reader with 20 tasks that any self-sufficient adult should be able to do in 2007. Same criteria applies to the above list:

1. Know basic nutritional needs & how to plan balanced meals
2. Hone your sense of direction & navigation so you don’t need step-by-step turns to find a location
3. Understand types of health insurance & terminology such as OOP max & co-insurance percentage
4. Maintenance of a personal computer
5. In-depth knowledge of your employment benefits
6. Change a flat tire
7. Wash & iron clothes
8. Balance a checkbook & manage your finances
9. Patch holes in walls
10. Fix a clogged toilet
11. Jump start a car
12. Use public transportation to get around
13. Write an effective resume cover letter
14. Professional oral & written communication
15. Basic math
16. Stay calm in emergencies
17. Know when to ask for help
18. Personal hygiene
19. Do your own taxes
20. Use internet search engines strategically (if you know how to do good searches, you can find any information you need on the web)

And according to this I am...80% self sufficient. I am officially a B- quality adult! Wooo! Now all I have to do is stop living at my parent's.

UPDATE: I just found this list of things Robert A. Heinlein, Science Fiction Author and all around manly man, said that all human being should be able to do:

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."

OK, Heinlein. You win. I am not a man. I'm pretty sure that however I die, it would not be gallantly.

Update On My Life

Good Evening.

I discovered Allison's blog today, and it made me ashamed that I can't find the time to write in mine. Also, it made me miss my little, but that's as its supposed to be.

Allison and I in a simpler time, and a much much simpler place (there really is nothing in Arcadia)

I know no one really cares all that much about what's going on in my life, but I need to keep my mind going somehow, and I need to write to do that. So congrats! Here's my blog, started all over again.

- First, an update on the Navy. I took the Aviation Training Selection Battery last Thursday. This is the test that they use to select officers. It tests reading comprehension, math skills, mechanical knowledge, as well as of aviation and naval terms. I'll get my scores tomorrow or Friday, but I'm pretty confident about it. I knew most of the answers in the first three sections, and was able to figure out most of the aviation and naval stuff.

The good news is that I finally met my new recruiter, and I was very impressed with him. He knew what he was talking about, was organized, and made me very happy to work with him. It didn't hurt that he was really impressed with me. When I handed him my college transcript, he asked "Where's the rest of it?"

I gave him a confused look and responded, "What do you mean?"

"Do you have anything from a community college or something?"

Still perplexed, I said, "No....I just went to UF." It wasn't till later that I realized that most of the people who he sees probably don't have degrees from UF, let alone went there alone, and then want to join the Navy. He was even more impressed when he saw my GPA and that I had graduated Cum Laude. Later, as he fingerprinted me, he told me that as long as I got in shape, I'll be a shoo-in.

- Which brings me to getting in shape. I'm not there yet. I'm pushing myself harder, doing cardio every morning (either running, or this boot camp class at the Y, which is taught by an old Marine, which is awesome if very tiring), and then weight lifting in the afternoon. I also signed up for a 5k, so I'm working on being in shape for that. It's Oct. 20th. Hopefully I can get there.

- If you've seen my Facebook profile recently, you'll see that I find Jacksonville really boring. And it is, but a lot of that has to do with the fact that I'm not really trying to find things to do. I'm not going to be here for long, and if I'm bored, I go to the gym.

But what's saving my sanity right now are the weekly trips to Gainesville, for which I am forever thankful to Dave, Cush, Rachel, and Lex, who haven't complained about me crashing on their couch yet. The ability to go crazy for two days allows me to get through the rest of the week.

There's more, but I think thats enough for now.

Till Next Time,
Matt

Currently Reading: The Reality Dysfunciton by Peter F. Hamilton

Man Vs. Wild Drinking Game

A few weeks ago, I went over to Cush's and we ended up watching what is probably the best show on television right now: Man Vs. Wild. In this show, Bear Grylls proves that he is a true man. This is a guy whose parachute didn't open when jumping out of an airplane, he broke his back in three places, went through 18 months of rehab, and then decided to climb Everest. Yes, Bear Grylls, you are truly more man than the rest of us.

But if you haven't seen this show yet, you really need to turn on the Discovery Channel, cause its always on. Basically, Bear gets dropped into a remote place in the world, with a knife, a piece of flint, and a water bottle. He has to find his way out, using only his wits, and his ability to get out alive. It usually involves some combination Bear doing stuff absolutely bat-shit insane, killing things, and making wierd shelters to stay in.

But back to the story: Me and Cush are watching Man Vs. Wild, and decide to make a drinking game of it. Now, here are the rules that have become a Friday evening tradition:

Take a drink if:
...Bear says he is an experienced climber
...Bear says that something is 'not ideal.'
...he uses Britishism (such as saying torch instead of flashlight, or 'glacier' with a short vowel sound at 'a')
...he kills something (including bugs and grubs)
...Bear lights a fire...he has to find his bearings, or actually does find his bearings
...he tells you that you have to keep your spirits up
...he tells you to find a stream and follow it to a river, and follow that to civilization
...Bear tells you to about a native technique
...Bear tells about someone getting lost or dying horribly in the environment he's in
...Bear contradicts the Bible (something happening millions of years ago, mentioning evolution, etc.)
...anyone in the room says 'What the fuck?!' in response to something Bear does.
...he builds a shelter
...night vision is used
...uses a stick for something other than walking

Take two drinks if:
...Bear kills something in a bad ass way (uses a homemade bow and arrow, uses a throwing stick to take out a rabbit)
...Bear bites into something still alive
...he yells at the camera man
...he puts himself in danger to show you how to get out of it

Take three drinks if:
...Bear fails to light a fire
...Bear eats something that's already dead
...he has to use the camera guys (for light, for example)

Drink the entire time that Bear:
...Drinks his own urine
...Drinks poo water
...Does anything that makes you gag

So this Friday at 9pm, gather with your friends, get some beer, and marvel at the man named Bear.

Gay on the Mind

Through a weird series of events, gays have been on my mind today.

No Mom, I'm not coming out of the closest. Stop freaking out.

As I've written before, I spend a large chunk of my day surfing the Internet. One site I've been going to for a while is Andrew Sullivan's blog, The Daily Dish. Mr. Sullivan's an interesting guy, a gay Catholic, an old-style conservative who's HIV+, he's an amazing writer and a damned good political thinker. He was pro-Bush and pro-war. He's since changed his mind as the evidence accumulated that the war was not going well, and it was mostly the President's fault.

But anyways, he pointed his readers to this video for the song The Bible Says. Its mind blowing, to say the least. Absolutely stunning. Watch it. You won't be sorry.

Now, I've watched it twice today, and there's no way that can't be parody, right? I mean, saying gays are going to hell is one thing, but to actually put out a song with the chorus being "God Hates a Fag?" Would people actually do that?

After a second watching, the clues start coming through that this is a truly brilliant piece of parody. The lead singer has a very, well, gay mustache and is wearing a pink shirt. There are quite a few scenes that scream "Gay allusions!" too. And plus, the singer is basically admitting he's gay, but he's going to get through it with the power of Christ. That's not something many of the type of people who would put out a song like this would admit to.

The other thing that made me think about homosexuality happened during lunch. I went and visited the lackluster Phi Sig tabling in Turlington, and hung out for a bit talking to Jeff, Kristen and Sammy. Hung out just long enough, in fact, for the preacher who had been torturing the people in the Plaza of the Americas to make his was over to Turlington. And then the fun began.

He took out two electrical cords, and proceeded to demonstrate why being gay doesn't work. As he pushed two male sides of the plugs together, the first thing that came into my mind was "If two guys are doing that, they're probably too dumb to be gay. Or alive."

He then told a ten minute story about how sexual relations are supposed to go in his head. They involved trips to Starbucks, courting, marriage, a trip to Barbados, a hotel room, and "then they get NAKED!!!" (to quote Crazy Preacher).

These words will be ingrained in my head for the rest of my life. I really wish they weren't.

"The woman lays on her back in the bed! She spreads her legs! The man mounts her! And the penis," he then pushes the electrical plugs together, "enters the vagina! The man moves back and forth," which he demonstrated by jerking the plugs back and forth. And that, I assume, is the end of his sex life. Now, I'm pretty sure it never says in the Bible that the missionary position is the only acceptable position. Or maybe it does, but its in among all the rules in Leviticus that no one pays attention to anymore, like selling your daughters into slavery, or stoning anyone who wears both linen and leather.

Soon the Turlington Crazy started going into what happens when the virginal newlyweds decide to try out that anal sex thing they've been hearing so much about. That was my cue to leave.

Getting From Me to Jack Bauer in Two Moves

I moved into the house my parents currently live in when I was twelve or so. Next door to us were Jim and Nadine. They were pretty nice. Jim liked to surf and windsurf and owned a huge, old yellow truck to take his boards everywhere, while Nadine was more the prototypical suburban wife. But really, there are two things I remember about them: the first is that they had a Jack Russel named Bandit, who wandered around the neighborhood with a jaunty bandanna around his neck and barked at everything that moved. I thought he was the coolest dog ever, but I think everyone else in the neighborhood was glad when Jim and Nadine moved a few years later.

The other thing I remember is that when Nadine's family visited, her sister looked really familiar. Eventually my mom told me that she was an actress, and I probably knew her as the mom in Free Willy. Being twelve, I thought this was awesome. Even though I thought that movie was lame, its still cool to be near someone who is in a movie that I saw when I was nine. Whenever she was visiting, I would point out to my friends "That's the person who played the mom in Free Willy!" I would get some appreciative grunts, but that's about it.

And then I didn't think about that for quite a while. This all came back when I got an email from my mom this morning. She reads the blog, and constantly sends me emails with her responses. Today's email mentioned how she started watching 24 this season, and that the person who plays Karen Hughes is Jayne Atkinson, who is also our old neighbor's sister. It may be my mucus congested brain that makes me think this is cool, but that fact that playing the 'Kevin Bacon' game, you can get from me to Kiefer Sutherland in only two moves strikes me as awesome.